This is what I have been thinking alot about lately. My life. Our life. And all we are blessed. How everything can change so quickly, without warning. It’s scary. I think it’s more with having to face the realities of it all more than anything though. The thing that scares me is how uncertain it can be. Life. The reality is we never know one day from the next. But if I could see it, one day from the next, would I want to? I don’t think I would, because I would then have to face the reality of it. The reality I’m so afraid of. Seeing life slip away from someone I love so dearly is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face in my life. In our life. The reality, it was there that day and it still lingers. I still can’t grasp the fact that I can’t call him, can’t skype with him, can’t hear his voice, can’t see him. He’s gone. The days are gone. And I hate it. Two weeks. Two weeks with this giant void in our lives. The cards. More came today. Reminders of a dear life so significant. A life that touched so many hearts.
It was 2am this morning when I awoke to the sound of crying in between a puking episode. Poor Olive. I quickly changed her, her bedding and started a load of laundry. I put her back to bed but she knew puppy was in the wash and we all know girlfriend can’t sleep without it so she waited. And waited. Around 5am, somewhere between listening to Steve Perry’s “Oh, Sherry” and Sinéad O’Connor’s “Nothing compares to you” I heard the buzz of the dryer proclaiming it’s done. The puppy was finally dry. She snuggled with him a few moments before drifting off to sleep again. It must have been just a slight touch of the flu bug because she was fine all day today. Whew. Really, I hate to see our children sick. I turn into a little helpless mama. I get all panicky and emotional seeing our babies sick and want nothing more but for them to feel better again.
Tonight I cuddled with Brandon in the big chair and watched a show we use to watch all the time together, Wipe Out. We hadn’t watched it since last fall I believe. We laughed out loud. It felt good to just laugh. Tomorrow, I’m planning on opening his new Battleship game he got from Santa and coaxing him into playing it with me. I haven’t played Battleship myself since I was just a little girl and the games have really gotten better with time. Can’t wait.
I know I haven’t taken and posted any pictures from my camera in over a week. Truth is, I have been avoiding it. The camera. Like a plague. Last time I used it we were going to see dad. I look at the bag several times a day but I have yet to open it.
I will in time. ..
Meantime, Here are a few oldies, as I like to call them. It’s always nice to look back and remember.
Oh, one more thing.
When I ask Olive if she can say Olive, she replies with “love you”. Every time. Melts my heart.
Olive absolutely loves the snow. She begs “get down” when I take her outside. She calls it “knows”. She will run over to the slider, look out onto the deck and point “knows?” And she will look at me. Waiting for me to say snow so she can clap at the excitement of me understanding her words.
I ask her every morning “where’s grampa?” And she will look up at his picture with the biggest smile. God I miss him so much. I hate that he is missing all of this.We tell Olive every day “you grampa’s girl”, just like he always said and she responds “yeah”.